Morning Hike: Fasted cardio – Day 8 Quarantine – I just had to stretch out my legs.

After driving across the country and being cooped up for 8 days I got out there and just didn’t want to stop…so I just didn’t. My Mom is very concerned about the self-isolation guidelines being that you “are only allowed to walk for a one hour down the road and return home.” My Mom was so worried, “If the police find out that you are gone for more than one hour…they will stay at the property until you return…”

Haha, have fun waiting 6 hours. I understand the purpose of self-isolation, public safety, yada yada yada. But as if that would matter. I walked entirely alone down a gravel road for a decent portion. ZERO RISK OF TRANSMISSION – and also I have been absolutely self-isolating for 6 months so chill.

So yeah, instead an out and back of an hour I decided to make it the loop. One hour? As if. It wasn’t until I was walking for two that my monkey mind chilled out and I was able to ease into a rhythm. I don’t do well with being given a time limit. I want to take it as far as I want to take it. So I do. I like to push beyond my perceived limitations. From the words of T.S. Elliot: “Only those who will risk going to far can find how far they can go.”

For now it’s walking and cycling. I will start lifting weights at the gym after quarantine. Eventually I want to cycle to the pool in a nearby community, take lessons and learn how to swim. I will focus on developing a routine of foam rolling and flexibility. Running can wait. I have six months, or more, to focus on building a strong, balanced, well-conditioned body and helping my Mom renovate her home and develop her farm. Two years ago I reached my leanest weight from juicing and smoothies. I have started that up again and I will get my Mom on the vegan bandwagon. I am starting to stretch and foam roll and after this hike my body is loosening up and stretching is starting to feel good again. I am so incredibly thankful to be here right now and to have this half a year to dedicate to …all that stuff…but I digress… 

The walk was nice. It was sunny. There were bugs. I slept during the day and now I am just yearning to go out and do it again this time by moonlight: By far my favourite time. The thing I like most about the night is, well no people, but also no heat and sun that make hydration and coverage essential. I was being kind of cocky by bringing 500 mls of water with about 125 mls of maple syrup. I had to ration it and I got thirsty. That was kind of fun, the challenge of seeing how far I could go essentially in a fasted state. The fun part of “see how far you can go” is that it’s a loop. There is no recourse. Just keep going. But I digress again. 

*I need to get the heck out of here*

I will make sure my Mom is tucked away into bed, all the lights are off and then I will slip away to experience the tranquility of the night where I always come alive. 


She Will Always Be a Broken Girl, song by She Wants Revenge (my favourite band)

She buys a new dress for the party,
She always looks good in red.
Turns around in front of the mirror
And disappears inside of her head.

She wonders if he’ll even remember,
She asked him in a casual way.
Just in case he didn’t want to go with her,
In that event she knew just what she would say.

She thought of maybe asking a girlfriend,
Even though she only has one or two.
She’s always done much better with boys anyway, so who needs girlfriends?

Pacing nervous across the floor of her bedroom, gripping tight the phone in her hand. Fighting back the rush of emotions,
and dreaming of just having a man.

It’s a long walk, and the music is loud.
She sees an old friend, as she walks through the crowd. Puts on her best smile, but underneath she’s a broken girl.

But It’s a long walk, and the music is loud.
She sees an old friend, as she walks through the crowd. Puts on her best smile, but she will always be a broken girl.

She struggles with an awful decision,
Stay at home or walk in alone.
Her mother does her best to console her, her father doesn’t know what to say.

Puts on her makeup, puts on the new dress.
Holds her head high, then gets in the car.
Tells herself that no one will notice, assuming she can make it that far. On the way she imagines reactions; cupped hands whispering into ears. Secretly hoping that he’ll be there watching; and she’s also hoping he won’t.

Walking tentative alone up the driveway,
Sees some people smoking off to the side.
She stops and waits until they go back in, crosses her fingers and follows behind.

It’s a long walk, and the music is loud.
She sees an old friend, as she walks through the crowd. Puts on her best smile, but underneath she’s a broken girl.

But it’s a long walk, and the music is loud.
She sees an old friend, as she walks through the crowd. Puts on her best smile, but she will always be a broken girl.

He’ll never get you, he will never understand.
He’ll never get you, you can find a better man.
[Repeat: x 8]

This might be the time to break down.
[Repeat: x 5]

Hush child don’t make a sound.

She Will Always Be a Broken Girl
Song by She Wants Revenge


Coming back to feeling more like myself…

things are taking shape. i’m feeling more like myself. i am putting the pieces back together and taking the time to establish a solid routine of microhabits. i tried to put the cart before the horse before; during that last rather turburlent 5-year chapter.

i’ve learned many lessons and have decided to stop doing the things that take me away from my goals…most of the time. haha

it feels good to have the freedom to be the captain of my own ship without feeling of insecurity and desperation that without a doubt summarizes my experience of that last place. what a bloody nightmare. i like the way i am brave enough to cut my losses, make shit happen, and make the drastic changes needed to make drastic change.

It’s hard to imagine that “it will all work out” when i’m in the thick of it. every damn time it’s like having blinders on. it’s hard to see the full picture when it’s hard to make it through the day. i didn’t have a voice. i couldn’t. i was just trying to survive. as Jordan B. Peterson said it’s about finding meaning in the suffering. As Ram Dass said when you realize that suffering is grace, you just can’t believe it.

It is a relief to realize that I just need to focus on developing the right routines and habits and continue to point myself in the direction I want to go; everything will falk into place.

I’ve been granted an amazing opportunity of work Monday to Friday 8:30-1630 for the next three months. For the first time in my life I am being mindful of developing the right routine and microhabits. i need structure to decrease the stress (otherwise known as chaos. i am learning the way my brain works and why i have been drawn …oh deer 🦌 this is getting too deep. I’m going to go fir a long walk to clear my head.

*** sidenote***it’s funny if i don’t proof read when i find typos it drives me mad but when i do proofread the can of worms has been opened and I just can’t get the lid back on. 🤣 to the dismay of whoever I might be communicating with. sorrynotsorry

blah blah blah…the things things will fall into place. i am compartmentalizing and just focusing one taking things a day at a time. everything will be okay.

My response to a lady saying her boyfriend says she can’t go from running 26 mpw (miles per week) to 32

Mind is everything: muscle, pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind.: Paavo Nurmi

30k is absolutely attainable – your body can do anything it gets used to do. “Mind is everything: muscle, pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind.”: Paavo Nurmi

The ten percent rule is really just a guide and as long as you ensure you are providing your body with the right nutrition, keeping it limber with stretching and lifting weights to keep your body balanced and strong then let your body will let you if you’re increasing distance too quickly.

2016 I was really struggling with consistency (and consistency is everything – in life really) so I started a run streak. For a run streak at minimum you have to run, or even jog slowly for recovery, 1 mile per day. Miss a day and you are back to zero #fuckthezero I was really struggling at the time with bullying at work and it was crushing my soul so I turned to running to give me some kind of satisfaction and sense of control in my life. November 2016 I would make it five days then not be able to fit it in (working full time as a registered nurse as well). I was so angry with myself that I couldn’t make it happen so in registered for a 100-miler in Denmark that was 9 months away to give myself enough fear to get my ass out the door. I made it 115 days. Once that momentum was going there was nothing that could stop me. But I got over confident with it and I was training very one dimensionally and not be intelligent with the way I trained. My runs would often get away in me and I would do far more than I should. But hey then pull it back and have a few days of one easy mile – like ten minute mile or twelve minute mile. Who can’t fit in ten or twelve minutes in a day? Breaks at work are longer than that. It’s possible. But it’s psychological. “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Elliot”.

I was very careful about the influence or programming that I let into my consciousness. I choose what I let affect me. I would listen to motivational videos non-stop (I’ll share some favourites below). I converted YouTube video into audio files and randomly had them in my go to running playlists. A little something to pick me up when I need it – and it works. I would wake up to this as my alarm clock. (Nike motivational Rise and Shine) I tried to set that as my alarm clock when I was married but that didn’t fly and I only did it once. I had all these dreams and things I wanted to do (2007-2014) but just resolved myself to the fact that that wouldn’t be possible for me because I was married this was my life and it wasn’t possible. Until I skipped town, divorced that asshole and then I was free and I was going to do everything I wanted to do like my life depended on it – because it did. “If you want something, go get it. Period.”

So once I was footloose and fancy free that became my alarm clock. I would alternate it with this one (Why we fall motivational video)

I would lay my running clothes/gear out the night before on the floor beside my bed and the alarm would go off I would get dressed as quickly as I could and I would have to be ready and out the door before the alarm ended.

I wouldn’t even give myself a chance to change my mind – don’t think, psychomotor just got through the motions and make it happen. Don’t lose that activation energy. (Mel Robbins how to stop screwing yourself over )

I live in Canada and it started to get cold and icy and then this became my alarm Whatever I needed to pick myself back up and keep going I listened to. (Ten thousand hours Your World Within – this one is gold – ). I fell in love with the content of the Your World Within YouTube channel and so many of his videos were instrumental in helping me achieve my goals. As i got closer to my races I realized how much I appreciated his work and I bought every single album – he deserves my support after how much the videos he put together, the speeches he wrote helped me get to where I was going.

Time to wrap this up as I got shit to do. I spent a week in Vancouver February 2017 and loved how running at lower elevation was a bit faster and in all fairness I kind of beat my legs up a bit with my twice a day runs and speed work.

I often felt like the Golden Rules of Running ( ) didn’t apply to me. One of them being the ten perfect rule. But I also learned something from experience I “knew” since my first marathon in 2005. That rule is this: You can work on developing speed OR you can work on building distance but you can’t do both at the same time or you will get injured.

But that didn’t apply to me right? I was invincible. So after a week of hard running and nearing 115 days of my run streak I returned to the city where I was living at the time and ran a half marathon the next day. I got a shiny new PR …and shin splints. Fuck. I can’t not train. My 100-miler in Denmark was now in just over 6 months. I’ve already paid for my flight and taken off vacation time – it had to happen. But shin splints? That type of overuse injury can plague people for years.

To be continued … I work tonight. But readers digest that I will elaborate on later (on my blog cuz that’s where I should put that kind of life story right?):

-went to a naturopath and had prolotherapy done. Wasn’t allowed to run for one week. Was devastate to break/end my run streak at 115 days but I had to get better or there would be no ultra. Took a week off and when I gradually started back up with an easy mile a day and gradually increasing distance I was absolutely injury free. I just couldn’t believe it.

-then I got kicked in the face at work (literally running shoe to the chin as I tried to take a psych patients shoes off while two staff where holding them). So then with whiplash and a concussion I couldn’t even get off the couch for a couple weeks. My head was so heavy I couldn’t not be horizontal. That was so tough psychologically going from the last five months of consistent exercise to can’t even walk across a room without holding my head in both of my hands.

-so I started panicking. How will I be able to do this now? I know that I know enough about running to get myself in trouble (like obviously) but I needed some help some guidance if I was going to pull this off.

-I did my research and I found a coach -world record holder of the 100 mile ultramarathoner Zach Bitter. I looked him up found his site threw a couple thousand at him snd he was my coach leading up to my next two ultras. I had won the Javelina Jundred in Arizona in 2016 and I was registered for the 2017 race. I would send him my work schedule and he built my training program around it. I wouldn’t have done so well without his help.

-I went to Swaziland for a month with my mom to volunteer at an orphanage and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to run long distances outside by myself for obvious reasons (I had waist length platinum blonde hair at the time – that sounds like a death wish – side note while with my ex I was not “allowed” to dye my hair so going from waist length natural hair to platinum was sort of a fuck you thing, and it was awesome.). So in Africa I focused on mental training. On long drives or during the early morning when I would wake up a couple hours before anyone else and listen to audiobooks non-stop. I have a handful of favourites that really helped me that I relisten to again and again.

*** okay time to wrap this up. I dnf’d at my first 100-miler (death before dnf 😑) but it was a learning experience and I knew that and planned that going into. Then with Zach Bitter’s help 8 weeks later I ran 100 km in Arizona at the Javelina Jundred absolutely crushing it, injury free with a time off 16 hours and 24 minutes and change. I was elated. I thought to myself “I can’t wait until next year and next time I’m here I’m running the 100-miler”. I had DDD at the time when I did that race. Feb 2019 had a breast reduction going from 36DDD to 36A. It was the best decision of my entire life. My life kind of fell apart since they race (my last race) but finally it’s coming back together. I’m planning my next training cycle and I am going to exceed my perceived limitations, again.

***So don’t let your boyfriend tell you that you can’t go from 26 miles per week to 32 because that’s bullshit and you don’t even know the incredible things that you’re capable of so never let another person try to drag you down with what they don’t know. You got this girl. Now get out there and back it happen

Also, increase distance for three weeks in a row and then fir the fourth week scale way back to give your body a chance to recover and rebuild. Sometimes when you scale back you start to notice areas of weaknesses or site of potential injury. Foam rolling, massage, gentle stretching when your muscles are warm, adequate sleep, good nutrition are all part of the equation. Also for more information regarding mileage build up look up Arthur Lydiard’s books.