Coming back to feeling more like myself…

things are taking shape. i’m feeling more like myself. i am putting the pieces back together and taking the time to establish a solid routine of microhabits. i tried to put the cart before the horse before; during that last rather turburlent 5-year chapter.

i’ve learned many lessons and have decided to stop doing the things that take me away from my goals…most of the time. haha

it feels good to have the freedom to be the captain of my own ship without feeling of insecurity and desperation that without a doubt summarizes my experience of that last place. what a bloody nightmare. i like the way i am brave enough to cut my losses, make shit happen, and make the drastic changes needed to make drastic change.

It’s hard to imagine that “it will all work out” when i’m in the thick of it. every damn time it’s like having blinders on. it’s hard to see the full picture when it’s hard to make it through the day. i didn’t have a voice. i couldn’t. i was just trying to survive. as Jordan B. Peterson said it’s about finding meaning in the suffering. As Ram Dass said when you realize that suffering is grace, you just can’t believe it.

It is a relief to realize that I just need to focus on developing the right routines and habits and continue to point myself in the direction I want to go; everything will falk into place.

I’ve been granted an amazing opportunity of work Monday to Friday 8:30-1630 for the next three months. For the first time in my life I am being mindful of developing the right routine and microhabits. i need structure to decrease the stress (otherwise known as chaos. i am learning the way my brain works and why i have been drawn …oh deer 🦌 this is getting too deep. I’m going to go fir a long walk to clear my head.

*** sidenote***it’s funny if i don’t proof read when i find typos it drives me mad but when i do proofread the can of worms has been opened and I just can’t get the lid back on. 🤣 to the dismay of whoever I might be communicating with. sorrynotsorry

blah blah blah…the things things will fall into place. i am compartmentalizing and just focusing one taking things a day at a time. everything will be okay.

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